It's 4 am.
I've been up for about an hour. My 4 year old had an accident in his bed, and after taking care of him, I haven't been able to sleep. So, I write.
I am restless.
I am angry.
I am scared.
I am hurt.
You see, yesterday, another American Journalist was beheaded by ISIS. I have not seen the video. I don't need to watch it, I understand what took place. And I am bothered....no, completely and utterly disturbed by this event.
I'm angry!!! I am angry that somewhere, in some human's brain, this is ok. But then again, are they really human?
I am scared. Scared for the life that my precious children might have to live. I don't want my kids to grow up in fear. I want them to grow up with joy; don't all moms want that for their children?
I am hurt. My heart literally aches for the Sotloff and Foley families. No mother should have to endure what these precious women have had to deal with.
So, as I lay in bed and pray for these families, for my own family, for the uncertainity of these times, I hurt. But as I pray for these families, I find myself praying for those heartless murders who took those innocent lives. And then I'm mad again!! Mad because in my human flesh, I want nothing more than to see those jokers beheaded, and sent straight to hell!! Where, in my mind, they belong. But my God, in His gentle, yet no so gentle way reminds me of a couple of verses that really bother me.
"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?" Jeremiah 17:9
"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26
Herein lies the issue......the thought that drives me to my knees. Apart from Jesus, that murderer could be me. Without Jesus, I am no different than him. And because of that, I feel the need to pray for him. It's warped, and I don't like it, but it's truth. I find myself teaching, all the time, that as long as we are living and breathing, there is NOTHING that God can't redeem. If I really believe that, then I believe it for all people, including this terrorist. Don't get me wrong, I know my God is a God of justice, and I believe with every fiber of my being that these people will have to pay for their heartless actions. They should have to answer for it. I don't argue that. In fact, the fleshly part of me really, really wants that to happen, and quickly!!! But then, this little twinge in my heart begins to hurt. To hurt for these terrorist, who are so desperately deceived!! Who so desperately need this Jesus. Who, apart from Him aren't much different than you or I. And maybe that's where the anger comes in. Because in my "perfect little Christian world", I could NEVER be like them......but yes, I could!! You could.
So, honestly, I'm not sure what the lesson is here. I just know I'm struggling, struggling with the idea that God could and would want to save such a horrible person like those murders.
"This is good, and it pleases God our Savior, who wants EVERYONE to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth." 1 Timothy 2:3-4
Or maybe, struggling with the idea that apart from Jesus, that could be me.
My prayers continue to be for those hurting families, including the terrorists. It breaks my heart to pray for someone so "heartless" in my eyes. I don't like it, but I love my God, and I understand that His desire is for all to repent and know Him.
I leave you in tears...in prayer.
Blessings my sweet friends ~ Erin
I've been up for about an hour. My 4 year old had an accident in his bed, and after taking care of him, I haven't been able to sleep. So, I write.
I am restless.
I am angry.
I am scared.
I am hurt.
You see, yesterday, another American Journalist was beheaded by ISIS. I have not seen the video. I don't need to watch it, I understand what took place. And I am bothered....no, completely and utterly disturbed by this event.
I'm angry!!! I am angry that somewhere, in some human's brain, this is ok. But then again, are they really human?
I am scared. Scared for the life that my precious children might have to live. I don't want my kids to grow up in fear. I want them to grow up with joy; don't all moms want that for their children?
I am hurt. My heart literally aches for the Sotloff and Foley families. No mother should have to endure what these precious women have had to deal with.
So, as I lay in bed and pray for these families, for my own family, for the uncertainity of these times, I hurt. But as I pray for these families, I find myself praying for those heartless murders who took those innocent lives. And then I'm mad again!! Mad because in my human flesh, I want nothing more than to see those jokers beheaded, and sent straight to hell!! Where, in my mind, they belong. But my God, in His gentle, yet no so gentle way reminds me of a couple of verses that really bother me.
"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?" Jeremiah 17:9
"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26
Herein lies the issue......the thought that drives me to my knees. Apart from Jesus, that murderer could be me. Without Jesus, I am no different than him. And because of that, I feel the need to pray for him. It's warped, and I don't like it, but it's truth. I find myself teaching, all the time, that as long as we are living and breathing, there is NOTHING that God can't redeem. If I really believe that, then I believe it for all people, including this terrorist. Don't get me wrong, I know my God is a God of justice, and I believe with every fiber of my being that these people will have to pay for their heartless actions. They should have to answer for it. I don't argue that. In fact, the fleshly part of me really, really wants that to happen, and quickly!!! But then, this little twinge in my heart begins to hurt. To hurt for these terrorist, who are so desperately deceived!! Who so desperately need this Jesus. Who, apart from Him aren't much different than you or I. And maybe that's where the anger comes in. Because in my "perfect little Christian world", I could NEVER be like them......but yes, I could!! You could.
So, honestly, I'm not sure what the lesson is here. I just know I'm struggling, struggling with the idea that God could and would want to save such a horrible person like those murders.
"This is good, and it pleases God our Savior, who wants EVERYONE to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth." 1 Timothy 2:3-4
Or maybe, struggling with the idea that apart from Jesus, that could be me.
My prayers continue to be for those hurting families, including the terrorists. It breaks my heart to pray for someone so "heartless" in my eyes. I don't like it, but I love my God, and I understand that His desire is for all to repent and know Him.
I leave you in tears...in prayer.
Blessings my sweet friends ~ Erin